Whatever

I am filled with ennui. Or, in other words, I'm really lazy! Although I accomplished quite a bit around the house and office today, I haven't left the premises. I did retrieve the newspaper from the front porch. Downright ambitious!

The thing is, sometimes I just don't feel like seeing other humans. There's nothing wrong with them, it's me. My old therapist said it is part of the illness. Interacting with others takes too much energy. I'm not depressed, but I still have my blue days.

Don't you find it ironic that I write a weekly blog that is read by 10's of humans??? If I was standing face-to-face with each of you, I would be picking at my fingernails and talking way too much. If you ever see me in a social situation and I look like I'm panting like a dog, I'm most likely stressed out. Relaxation breathing is a coping mechanism I use.

We all wear masks. Some of us wear Freddie Krueger masks...no, not really! I'm talking about how we present ourselves in public. Some depressives just let it all hang out. They wear black and hide out in their house for months at a time. Others, like me, go out when we must and put up a great facade. But it's really just a game.

Okay, just so you know, I put a whole lot of pressure on myself. I'm a perfectionist. Everyone else is perfect, except me. Cool, huh? Even though I did two loads of laundry, vacuumed the entire house, made four business calls, faxed reports to all of our clients, returned a ton of emails and got two pages of denied claims paid--I'm lazy. *sigh*

Oh, well, sometimes the Female In Motion is just a chick on the couch with the remote.
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