Female in Motion

(This post originally published on October 1, 2012, during the time I was receiving treatment for breast cancer. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.) A week from today, I will return to Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Zion, IL, and if all goes well, I will begin my chemotherapy treatment. Within a few days after that, I will lose all my hair. It won't all fall out at once, but when it starts to get sparse, I'm going to shave it off. And I'm okay with that. My body image has not always been so great. When I was a teenager, I had a lot of self-loathing. I thought my legs were so fat, at 105 pounds, that I refused to wear shorts during the summer. Even in my 20's, after my first brush with cancer, I covered the large scar on my right arm on the hottest July days in Kansas. I am 50 years old now, and overweight, scarred, stretch marked, gray haired and wrinkled. Losing weight, gaining weight, short haired or long haired, I am still me. With ...

Acts 20:33-35 (KJV) I have coveted no man's silver, or gold, or apparel. Yea, ye yourselves know, that these hands have ministered unto my necessities, and to them that were with me. I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive. Growing up, my household was lively. Mom, Dad, four kids, a dog and a chameleon named Cleo, all lived in the house on Farmington Drive. There was a lot of noise and activity going on day to day. Some days, I craved a quiet space. Early on, I would clear out the shoes in the bottom of my closet, make a little nest with a pillow and blanket, close the door and read the day away. In this tiny nook, I found the peace I desired. This location was spartan, but effective. Everything I needed was there. During Christ's ministry here on earth, He traveled light. With not much more than the clothes on His back, He trave...

I wanted all of my precious readers to see the hair growth that is going on around here! It's interesting...the hair is coming back in the same order it fell: head first, eyelashes and eyebrows last. I even shaved my legs and underarms last weekend, for the first time in five months. Week #3 of radiation treatment is over, so I am already halfway home. I'll return to CTCA on April 15 for a checkup, then rest for two months before undergoing scans and tests to confirm I am cancer-free. Thank you for your continued support and prayerful concern. I am abundantly blessed from the hand of God! *** Mighty God of us all, thank you for this change of seasons, of new life and new growth. Change brings hope, and I see hope all around me and in me and even on me! As we approach Resurrection Day, open my eyes and heart to see renewal happening around me. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Have you ever asked yourself (or God), why do people act that way?  Do you feel like you're floating alone in a lifeboat on the stormy sea of insanity? Why is it that folks just can't behave themselves? Well...get over it!   2 Timothy 4:16 (KJV) At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me: I pray God that it may not be laid to their charge. Here are some facts: We can't control the behavior of others. People are going to do what they want to do and we can't stop them. God gave each one of us free will. We get to make the decisions in our own lives. Right or wrong, good or bad, our actions and the consequences are up to us. Malachi 2:10 (KJV) Have we not all one father? hath not one God created us? why do we deal treacherously every man against his brother, by profaning the covenant of our fathers? We have flaws of our own. At least, I do. Let's stop looking at others' missteps and focus on ours. We have enough problems to keep...

Cute chemo boots! Today, I received my fourth chemotherapy treatment. There are six infusions scheduled, so that means I am over the hump. Hooray! Because the poison levels are rising with every successive treatment, I am feeling tired, with a little muscle weakness. No metal mouth yet, though. I hope the steroids kick in soon. I am posting some photos of this trip, so you can see what I've been up to. And also because I'm really too pooped to write any deep thoughts tonight. That being said, I am blessed. God is faithful. I can feel every prayer coming my way. And I am grateful for the blessings of you in my life. Ephesians 3:20 (KJV) Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think , according to the power that worketh in us. O.F. Ballew hits the snack bar at CTCA. Chillin' with Orange Fuzzy. *** Female in Motion Exercise Update: I did three 30-minute treadmill workouts last week. I wish ...

How silently, how silently  the wondrous Gift is given!  So God imparts to human hearts  the blessings of His heaven.  No ear may hear His coming; but in this world of sin,  where meek souls will receive Him still,  the dear Christ enters in . --O, Little Town of Bethlehem, traditional Christmas carol This Christmas will be unlike any I have experienced before. This year, I am in the middle of a battle for my life. No, I'm not dreadfully ill, but I do have another priority that takes up a lot of my spare time. Christmases Past looked frenetic and stressful. I tried to pack in all the shopping, concerts, baking, parties, programs and people I could. By the time the holiday was over, I ended up feeling grumpy and ungrateful. I will redefine this Christmas . It will look peaceful, reverent, special. I will make room in my heart and home for Jesus. While I may not have any decorations up, I can spruce up my soul. Setting aside ho...

Here's my latest acquisition from A Pink Stitch! It's made to look just like my sweet tomcat, Nod. He is a big gray boy with green eyes and pink ears. This hat makes me smile. God is really blessing my treatment. I feel good this week and have very few symptoms from the chemo. Even the metal mouth is on its way out. The weather is starting to feel like winter around here. I'm glad I have cute hats to keep my little bald head warm. My next trip to CTCA will be on Sunday, December 16. Daughter #1 will be coming with me. Infusion #4 will happen at noon on Monday the 17th. Hooray, I'm heading over the hump! Lord willing, I will feel pretty good by Christmas. *** Holy One, thank you for outrageously blessing my life. I ask that You give each person that takes time out of their day to pray for me a special gift from Heaven. In Jesus' precious name, Amen.

  Orange Fuzzy Ballew is a venerated member of my family. He has resided in my home for the last two and a half years, presented to me at the last Ballew family reunion by my darling aunt, Nancy Ballew Anderson. (If you are not familiar with O.F. Ballew, please click this link to read his history. http://fim-carol.blogspot.com/2010/07/legend-of-of-ballew.html ) While I have enjoyed having him taking up space, er...sitting on my desk, I decided it was time Orange Fuzzy had some adventures. The next Ballew family reunion will take place sometime during the summer of 2013, and I plan to have a full scrapbook to present to the next lucky Ballew who receives guardianship of this tangerine-colored talisman. When we entered the infusion center late this morning, O.F. watched as Theresa, my infusion nurse, got me all settled in and hooked up. We lunched and did some work on the laptop, then the benedryl hit me and I napped a bit. My Texas Belle got her first caregiver massage and...

(This is a photo I had taken after I realized what my God-given gift was.) The day after I prayed the Sinner's Prayer, my life didn't magically and instantly become perfect. Instead, it has been a journey of self-discovery and study of the teachings of Jesus Christ. I've had bumps in the road, hard lessons to learn, and beautiful mountaintop experiences. That's all part of the package of becoming a mature Christian. I vividly remember the first time someone at church said something rude to me. I was crushed! Spending the next day crying, I considered my options. Should I say something mean back to this person, quote Scripture condemning them to the congregation, or just find a new church? The Hubster had a better idea: get my eyes off other Christians and keep them on God, instead. "People let you down, every time," he said, "God never does." This rule has helped me get through many difficult situations. I'm not perfect, so how can I ex...

(I'm the skinny brunette in the center, with her elbow on the table.) I grew up in a family that went to church every Sunday. I went through a confirmation class and joined Madison Avenue United Methodist Church in Derby, Kansas when I was 12. Active in church, choir, summer camp, youth group and fundraisers, I also sang solos in church beginning in high school. I served as both treasurer and president of our youth group. We attended youth activities in Wichita and the surrounding area. Before my junior year in high school, I applied to and was selected as a delegate from my church to attend the Kansas UMC METour (Mission Education Tour). Fifty girls from across Kansas were chosen to visit a number of UMC missions and report back to our individual churches the good work that Methodists were doing. We traveled to Oklahoma, Arkansas, Tennessee and Kentucky. This trip changed the way I looked at the world around me. I didn’t realize that I had been so isolated. A...

Last week, I traveled to Cancer Treatment Centers of America to receive my second chemotherapy treatment. I was alone, but I was not lonely. You see, whenever I'm by myself, I carry with me the prayers of all the people who care about me and the love of my Savior. That's quite a crowd! Whenever isolation is depicted in the Bible, it represents separation from God. Think : Jonah in the whale's belly, the Wild Man of Gadara, or the leper that was cast out of the camp. We don't have to be alone ever again, once we accept the love of Christ and His gift of salvation. What can you do when those lonely thoughts cloud your heart? Here are some Scriptural promises to hang onto. Hebrews 13:5 (KJV)   I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.  Revelation 3:20 If any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. Philippians 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. ...

I had to share this photo The Hubster took last night. My mother-in-law, Judy Skiles, and her best friend, Pat Brown, got their heads shaved yesterday, in my honor. I don't know if I am a bad influence or I started a new fad! Either way, I am humbled by all the love, encouragement and support I am receiving. God bless each and every one of you.

Proverbs 17:22 (KJV) A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. Lots of people have asked me how I'm feeling. You know, folks with cancer get that question often. I'm honest with my response. I feel great! Really, God is blessing and I feel really good. And then, they all say the same thing, "You have such a great attitude!" Although I have had times of sadness and depression in my life, now is not one of them. All the "what ifs" have come to pass. I have cancer. My husband has cancer. All the monsters that were under the bed, are now sleeping peacefully beside us. There is nothing else to be afraid of. I quickly realized that I had no control. This was firmly God's department. So I turned it completely over to Him. Crazy, right? Now, I just put one foot in front of the other and take each day fresh and new. I spend a lot of time on my knees, too, talking to God about my fears, gratitude and burdens for othe...

Here's my Friday Face today, with a bonus Hubster Face, as well! We got our heads shaved yesterday, so I thought I would give you a bonus shot. I'm really loving it, so far! Maintenance is low, and my head is pretty nicely-shaped. Hooray! It's a little bit cold at night, so we're thinking about little flannel nightcaps, maybe. (Notice the small "Feisty" pin on the flower of my hat? It's a gift from my favorite author, B.D. Tharp, writer of Feisty Family Values , available on Amazon.com. Check it out!) I'm feeling great this week, and hope to have a safe and easy trip back for Chemo Treatment #2 at CTCA on Wednesday. Have a great weekend, Dear Readers! I love you guys! Precious Lord, You hold me in the palm of Your Hand. I am so grateful for your mercy and abundant love. I pray that you will continue to guide me and heal me through this cancer journey. In Jesus' name, Amen.

It's been five days since my first-ever chemotherapy treatment. Here's what I'm thinking: I've learned more about myself. I am listening to my body. I'm grateful to God for His mercy. Following is my journal from last week's trip. CTCA Staff: I felt so prepared . They all walked me through the whole process, step-by-step. I knew what to expect. No mystery. My sweet Texas Belle: Rachel was such a help! She is an encourager. Wonder where she gets that from? Rachel carried things, ran errands, massaged my shoulders before the treatment and rubbed lotion into my hands during. My Belle kept me company during the treatment and got me home when it was all over. You have no idea what a comfort it is to have your daughter tuck you in after a big day. CTCA Infusion Center: As nice as the hospital is, the infusion center is that much better. I was ushered to a nice suite with an upholstered recliner and rocking chair. The recliner had heat and massage. Ye...

 A week from today, I will return to Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Zion, IL, and if all goes well, I will begin my chemotherapy treatment. Within a few days after that, I will lose all my hair. It won't all fall out at once, but when it starts to get sparse, I'm going to shave it off. And I'm okay with that. My body image has not always been so great. When I was a teenager, I had a lot of self-loathing. I thought my legs were so fat, at 105 pounds, that I refused to wear shorts during the summer. Even in my 20's, after my first brush with cancer, I covered the large scar on my right arm on the hottest July days in Kansas. I am 50 years old now, and overweight, scarred, stretch marked, gray haired and wrinkled. Losing weight, gaining weight, short haired or long haired, I am still me. With the last surgery I endured, I lost my right breast to cancer, but I know I have the love of my husband, my family and my Savior. No matter how many body parts I lo...

Here it is, folks! The Picture of the Week! I am sporting my new wool fedora from Target. I have made several hat and scarf purchases in recent weeks, preparing for my new hairless look. Cancer Treatment Centers of America called this morning, and I won't be returning there until October 9. It's tough to get five doctors in the same place at the same time. While I am there, if all goes well, I will begin my chemotherapy treatment. My health and mobility are improving every day. I have lost three more pounds (down to 191 today),  and my range of motion is at about 90 percent. I hit the treadmill every weekday. This week, it was 25 minutes per day. Next week, I'm aiming for 30. Endless thanks and blessings to those who sent cards, gifts, jokes, songs and sweet emails this week. I love you guys!

Last Christmas, I was steaming around my mother's house, trying to round up chairs so everyone could sit while opening gifts. My siblings, my daughters, and their families were there. I dashed back to a corner in the basement, picked up two chairs and promptly dropped one. My daughter walked into the room as I was berating myself. "Carol, you stupid idiot, get it together!" "Hey!" she warned, "Don't talk to my mom that way!" Ouch! I was caught. Despite making strides in my journey of self-acceptance, I came up short in a stressful situation. I disappointed my daughter, my Savior, myself. Before I set my head on the pillow that night, I made it right with God. "Forgive me, Lord," I said. And that's when I realized the fight wasn't with myself. The Enemy had a victory that day. I am not the one putting those negative words in my head. When I let my guard down, Satan slithered in my mind with words of defeat and misery. I n...

As promised, here is the weekly photo of Female in Motion. She's a little bit tired, but not too bad for four days post-surgery. I had a single mastectomy of my right breast on Monday, August 20, 2012 at Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Zion, IL. Some folks thought I would be in the hospital for weeks, or in bed for months, but I was released the next day and able to fly home in two days. Modern medicine is a marvelous thing! I was treated like a queen by all the surgical and post-surgical teams at CTCA. The same nurse prepped me as last time (Jerri is a doll! She's been there 32 years.), my recovery nurse was Amy the Angel, and all the techs and nurses that cared for me overnight were so kind. I was allowed to do things at my own pace...which was pretty speedy. Even my roommate was a sweetie. Her name is Debbie and she's a preacher's wife from Iowa. We were praising God all through the night! The housekeepers and nursing staff at the hospital gave me two gi...

Why go all the way to Chicago when there are great hospitals in Kansas? First of all, there are great doctors and hospitals in Kansas. I know, I got great care in Winfield and Wichita. I didn't come to this decision lightly. There was a storm in my soul when the Wichita oncologist said 16 weeks of chemotherapy. Of course, I wasn't excited about doing chemo, but something was wrong. I needed more answers; more explanation. I knew we needed to look elsewhere. The Hubster and I made a short list of three other places we wanted to consult: KU Medical Center, MD Anderson and Cancer Treatment Centers of America. As I checked my email the next morning, a pop-up advertisement for Cancer Treatment Centers of America appeared. I went to the website and started looking around. We had researched this hospital when The Hubster was first diagnosed with multiple myeloma.  We assumed we would drive to Tulsa, their closest location. When I called the 800 number, the courteous custome...